If You Can’t Handle The Heat, Get Out Of The Kitchen (And Uber Eats Some Chipotle Instead)

lol | 10/11/18

We can’t all be good cooks. Some of us are good at cooking, and some of us are good at other things, like sports, or art, or petting dogs. Everybody’s good at something, but very few people are good at everything. Cooking is a skill that the people in this article clearly do not have.

Keep reading if you want to feel better about the mistakes that you’ve made in the kitchen.

I Do Not Like Them, Sam I Am

Photo Credit: @melissa.schmit.mn / Instagram
Photo Credit: @melissa.schmit.mn / Instagram

I do not like them in a house. I do not like them with a mouse. I do not like them here or there. I do not like them anywhere.

I do not like green waffles and a giant mess in the kitchen. I do not like them, Sam I am.

That’s Not How You Use A Knife

Photo Credit: @r.lunsmann / Instagram
Photo Credit: @r.lunsmann / Instagram

So, I know in the strudel recipe it said to use a knife, but I’m pretty sure it didn’t say to bake a knife into the strudel. Maybe the strudel will have more iron in it now.

Do you know any strudel lovers who are anemic?

Not At All Smooth

Photo Credit: @_terhikki_ / Instagram
Photo Credit: @_terhikki_ / Instagram

Making a smoothie is supposed to be smooth sailing. You throw some fruits, veggies, and liquids into a blender, press some buttons, an voila, you’ve got a delicious breakfast drink.

Just make sure that you have that lid on super tight. Unless you want a giant mess…

That’s A Solution, I Guess

Photo Credit: @rouxpert_b / Instagram
Photo Credit: @rouxpert_b / Instagram

If you do forget to secure your blender lid and you end up with a mess all over your kitchen, you could always get your dog to clean it up.

This is the number one reason to have a dog. Yeah, they’ll mess up your house in other ways, but they’ll lick your counters clean.

The Saddest Spatula

Photo Credit: @cabellamy / Instagram
Photo Credit: @cabellamy / Instagram

This spatula is the physical embodiment of the "whoa whoaa" sound effect. Look how sad and slumpy he is. He looks like he needs to see a therapist and get on some antidepressants, stat.

Don’t leave your meltable utensils in hot pans, people. This is why everyone needs a spoon rest.

Cupcake Soup

Photo Credit: @hellsbells2011 / Instagram
Photo Credit: @hellsbells2011 / Instagram

This is what happens when you try to make vegan chia seed cupcakes. You end up with glue. I’ve had good vegan desserts in my day. I know it can be done.

This was not a successful attempt. Better luck next time, vegan baker. I hope everything works out for you.

Charcoal Cupcakes

Photo Credit: @buuut.heichou / instagram
Photo Credit: @buuut.heichou / instagram

If your cupcakes don’t turn into soup, they might just turn into charcoal. Be careful not to over-bake you baked goods.

Nobody wants burnt food. Also, why are you baking cupcakes in Dixie cups? Invest in some cupcake tins. They’re not that expensive and they last a long time.

This Is Not How You Make Spaghetti

Photo Credit: @kathryn_munday / Instagram
Photo Credit: @kathryn_munday / Instagram

I don’t know how a person actually manages to set spaghetti on fire. Like, you make it in water. Water and fire normally don’t mix.

This picture looks like someone lit way too many incense sticks because their cooking smelled up to house so badly.

When Life Gives You Lemons…

Photo Credit: @ronald.tibbs / Instagram
Photo Credit: @ronald.tibbs / Instagram

When life gives you lemons you should make lemonade, right? But what happens when you’re trying to make lemonade and the handle of your lemon squeezer breaks right off?

How are you supposed to make lemonade now? Is this still a metaphor? I’m so confused.

Just Don’t Set A Fire

Photo Credit: @jessiburk / Instagram
Photo Credit: @jessiburk / Instagram

Almost all cooking mistakes are forgivable. You can just throw out the ruined food and start again. You can’t throw out an entire stove. I mean, you could, but that’s a very expensive mistake.

Try not to set stuff on fire. It’s not a good look.

This Was Going To Be A Tart

Photo Credit: @inthekitchen_with_jodes / Instagram
Photo Credit: @inthekitchen_with_jodes / Instagram

This home baker tried to make a lemon meringue tart. The thing about tarts is that you make them in tart pans. The thing about tart pans is that they have a removable bottom that is easily disturbed.

The thing about amateur cooks is that they don’t know that you should put a tart pan on a baking sheet so that you don’t run into this problem.

How Do You Mess Up Frozen Pizza?

Photo Credit: @alcambeeber / Instagram
Photo Credit: @alcambeeber / Instagram

Frozen pizza is the easiest thing to make. You don’t have to actually do anything except turn on the oven and put the pizza in there.

Also, this is a Hawaiian pizza, which is not actually from Hawaii and is a disgrace to the entire island. Pineapple does not belong on pizza.

Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Raw And Full Of Glass

Photo Credit: @theroamingrestaurant / Instagram
Photo Credit: @theroamingrestaurant / Instagram

This looks like a dish that you might serve to your worst enemy. What would somebody have to do to deserve a meal like this?

I don’t know why the lid of this pan shattered. Maybe because somebody tried to transfer if from a very cold environment to a very warm environment.

Just… How?

Photo Credit: @mekkiepekkie / Instagram
Photo Credit: @mekkiepekkie / Instagram

I guess this is what happens when you stick a spoon into your blender while it’s running? I mean, I can only assume that that’s what happened here.

It’s a shame because that does look like it would have been a pretty delicious strawberry smoothie. Keep your utensils out of your blenders.

His First Christmas

Photo Credit: @lifeofnandy / Instagram
Photo Credit: @lifeofnandy / Instagram

Ok, so that isn’t the first snowfall of the year on this baby’s forehead. It’s a bunch of flour. His mom was making some pizza and she couldn’t leave the baby unattended while she went about that task.

He’ll be fine. He’ll just smell like a bakery for a while.

Accidents Happen

Photo Credit: @solnaturalfoodswestend / Instagram
Photo Credit: @solnaturalfoodswestend / Instagram

Spilling liquid all over yourself is always a possibility when you’re mixing up delicious drinks. It’s a risk we all have to take. Just make sure all lids are screwed on really tight next time.

I hope her clothes are okay. I actually really like her outfit.

Just Close The Door And Walk Away

Photo Credit: @daniely_kameleontti / Instagram
Photo Credit: @daniely_kameleontti / Instagram

This picture is giving me some serious anxiety right now. I don’t know what this person was trying to make, but I do know that it didn’t work out very well.

I feel really bad for whoever had to clean out this microwave. Not a fun job.

A Lone Casualty

Photo Credit: @jakezelman / Instagram
Photo Credit: @jakezelman / Instagram

You know that old saying, to make an omelet you have to break a few eggs? Well, sometimes, to make sunny-side up eggs, you have to lose a few eggs. Or just one egg.

That lone egg on the stove is making me so sad. he just wants to be with his friends in the pan.

A Melty Mess

Photo Credit: @shanandrala / Instagram
Photo Credit: @shanandrala / Instagram

This is why you don’t put melty things on top of very hot things. Now this girl has to replace her cutting board and her stove element.

At least that pasta dish she’s making wasn’t harmed. It does look very delicious. I kind of want some.

Exploding Chicken

Photo Credit: @mandas_heart / Instagram
Photo Credit: @mandas_heart / Instagram

Some glass dishes are oven safe, and some are not. It’s important to check that out before you put your glass dish in an oven.

Do you think that chicken is salvageable? I think I’d rather not risk eating shards of glass on a Monday evening.